Sunday, May 10, 2015

9 Prehistoric Sea Monsters

(Otto Jaekel's wing)

Sea scorpions, or eurypterids (YOO-rip-TER-id) were fucking badass monstrosities. They lived throughout the Paleozoic era, which is basically the first third of the story of life on earth. Although they look like true scorpions, they aren't true scorpions. Jaekelopterus was the largest, at almost 3 meters in length (9 ft)!

(Terrible crocodile)

A crocodile so large that it hunted down dinosaurs. Deinosuchus was the very thing that dinosaurs had in their nightmares. At 12 meters in length (40 ft), it rivalled a T. rex in size and ferocity! Like saltwater crocodiles today, it would have lived both in fresh and salt water.

(King lizard)

Although it has the suffix of "saurus" in its name, Basilosaurus wasn't a lizard. It was a form of early whale. It is one of the largest carnivores that has ever lived, at 18 meters in length (60 ft), and as such it would have hunted other whales and sharks.

(Sword ray)

Affectionately nicknamed the "Bulldog fish", Xiphactinus was plentiful during the Late Cretaceous period 80-65 million years ago when North America was split into three islands by a vast inland sea. Xiphactinus swam in that inland sea, using its 6 meter long (19 ft) bulk to fuck up anything that moves.


Imagine a pair of garden shears. With shark teeth. And then attach that to a 7 meter long (22 ft) Great White Shark. That's how you get Edestus.

(Spiral saw)

Helicoprion and Edestus are related. The two are actually not sharks, but a group of fish that are closely related to today's chimeras. But you're not thinking about their evolutionary timeline, are you? You're wondering about that fucking buzz saw on its mouth.

(Dunkle's bones)

While Edestus was a pair of scissors, Dunkleosteus was the fucking guillotine. It didn't even have real teeth! Those blades in its mouth were parts of its fucking skull! Add that on to 9 meters (30 ft) of pure fishy muscle, and you've got a shark eating machine.

(River Meuse lizard)

Mosasaurus were the reason why the Late Cretaceous seas were among the deadliest. At 18 meters in length (60 ft), they were the top predators of their time. They're also related to today's Komodo Dragons, with TWO SETS OF JAWS. THEY ARE THE BASTARD LOVECHILDREN OF XENOMORPHS AND CROCODILES.

Mosasaurus will star alongside Star Lord in Jurassic World this June 12th.

(Odd shrimps)

Anomalocaridids were once the top predators of their time. They ranged in sizes, with the largest being 2 meters in length (6 ft). They were a long lived species, living from 541-360 million years ago.

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